We Need to Talk About the Crypto Hookers

Not even five years ago, the world of crypto-currencies crawled out of the dark web Lazarus pit, into mainstream culture. A year ago, I never thought Bitcoin would ever be a thing regular people who didn’t even know or care about alt-coins would actually ever throw money at. Six months ago I didn’t own a cent of any alt-coin. Then, two months ago, I tipped a waiter at a restaurant in Bitcoin and purchased some work-data in Litecoin (which any crypto nerd worth their salt would tell you I should have paid for those services with the opposite coin, but that’s a different story). The world is getting faster, smaller, and more high tech and the rise of these currencies born online are proof of that amazing step for humanity.

Let’s be real though: Bitcoin alone didn’t start because some libertarian just wanted to give the middle finger to the Federal Reserve. Bitcoin surfaced during the rise of silk road; its purpose was to maintain safe and fast transactions that used the ‘blockchain’ to not only verify payments, but also create the wallet IDs needed to transfer and receive crypto so that they generate a new code each time a transaction goes through — thus protecting the user’s identity.

If you hang around crypto-connoisseur-circles long enough, you will find individuals like myself that don’t see crypto just as an investment or a medium of exchange; but rather, we see it as the ultimate philosophical statement of freedom. I’d like to think crypto is now becoming socially acceptable, but now the same people who went after Bitcoin for its use in facilitating drug purchases are going to find something very fast very soon: the crypto hookers are here folks.

I was on Twitter going back and forth about Litecoin specifically (won’t post the thread out of respect for his identity) with a buddy of mine who is getting into day trading, and, out of nowhere, some dude replied to our thread with a list of websites where you could pay hookers in crypto. Now, he called them “escorts” but I don’t think of “escort” when I see a picture soliciting a Costa Rican “escort agency” with some busty Latina spread eagle in a thong on a bed — rather, I think “hooker” because we all know that is what goes on. Let’s be adults about it: this dude just flat out tweeted me and my friend in public, on Twitter of all places telling us we could buy hookers with Litecoin. It was so shocking that I didn’t even really know if I should have responded with “no thanks man I think I’m good,” or just ignore it, so my friend and I agreed to block that pimp… I mean legitimate businessman.

Before some of you perverts get excited, I’m not sharing those links, go risk malware yourself. I saw this dude’s reply and immediately I thought, “great, now everyone is going to tie Litecoin to hookers the same way Bitcoin was used for drugs.” Some conservative colleagues of mine are bound to read this article and take a statist position against crypto because of this whole new world of crypto hookers and Backpage and human trafficking, you name it.

I’m not writing this to discuss the libertarian position on prostitution, the fact is very clear that this is a lesson in money, that where it exists, people will use money for good and bad things. Most our USD cash is covered in traces of cocaine, does that make the greenback evil? I donated Bitcoin to a friend in a serious emergency, does that make Bitcoin sanctified? If a dude pays for a hooker in Litecoin does that make Litecoin filthy?

Money is a tool of exchange — it isn’t good or evil, its just money. Our decisions are what should matter — not what medium we take certain actions through.

When the politicians come for crypto because of the impending crypto hooker epidemic, just remember, you can blame the John, but not the coin.


Remso W. Martinez is a journalist and political commentator in the D.C. area. Remso is the author of the upcoming book “Stay Away From The Libertarians!” available on Amazon on June 23, 2018. You can follow him on Twitter @Remso101


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