We’ve entered such a hyper-sexualized time period in our society that colleges are now actually teaching a sex-positivity movement, encouraging sexual behavior and even offering demonstrations. For older people who have enabled these policies—this is a consequence of the sin that drove them away from the Church. For younger people who really didn’t grow up with the Church, this is a consequence of our desire to form meaningful connections with other people, and mistakenly thinking sex is the way to do it.
We grew up in a culture of sexual deviancy, with porn readily available to be consumed by people as young as 10 years old. Through the perverted lens of a filmmaker—and now in colleges—we are taught that sexual fixation is not only normal but the proper way of seeking another person. Looking at a woman in lust, however, denies her humanity, strips her of feelings and leaves her a cold lifeless flesh.
Women are real people. They get hurt. They bruise, and they have feelings. They are delicate and soft creatures who just want to be loved in the same way that you do. Seeking them out of lust denies them of a soul as you selfishly try to satisfy your primal sexual impulses. Having restraint means learning what she needs and how to lift up her Spirit. When you fulfill her and help bring joy to her life, then you will become a part of her identity and only then can you express your emotional connection physically.
Growing up I’ve watched the period for couples to become intimate drop from a few years to a few months to the first date. We’ve stopped trying to develop the person we want to become. The fact is deeply self-reflective people can tell you that the nuances of personality between people are endless and when you’re looking for a spouse there truly is only one person out there for you. That’s not to say there aren’t plenty of great people, but that you need to find someone who will fulfill you in the same way that you will desire to fulfill the deepest needs of her soul.
I’d argue as a Christian that the only way this can be done is in Christ. We all long for a deep connection to the one we can eternally trust—our LORD and savior. Through our God, we can trust one another by looking for the person of Christ in each other. Our self-discipline is evidence of our commitment to our faith and you must find someone who is equally yoked with the devotion to Christ.
You fall in love with Christ in each other—your own unique portion of the LORD that has developed by how He speaks to you. You were meant to be together, to complement one another in the duties and roles that our faith has prescribed to you. This order is based on a lifelong trust that we have committed to following. That is how we can be assured of our partner’s faithfulness—their entire identity is dependent upon a full commitment to every aspect of our identity in Christ, and when we’re married we are spiritually bound together forever.
That kind of commitment is unexplainable and unfathomable to most in our generation, but it’s the deepest loving relationship we will ever know, bound by our relationship with God. If you realize this is something you want, its time to surrender and ask that God tames your sexual impulses and teaches you to find and connect with Him in other believers—not to succumb to temptation.
When testing Jesus’ faithfulness, God the father led Him into the woods where he encountered the devil who offered Jesus the entire world in exchange for his loyalty. Christ prevailed and shouted Satan, begone! Giving into Lucifer’s offer seems to be easier than ever given the decadence of our time enabled by the previous generation, and that’s why we pray:
“Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. They will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.”